Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
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I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
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I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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