ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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