It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
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Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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