Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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