you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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