fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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