Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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