That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
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You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
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But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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