I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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