Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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