he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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