You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
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he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
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If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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