You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize