I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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