So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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