I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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