Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize