I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
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He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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