I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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