I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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