Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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