like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
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I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
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yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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