you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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