Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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