I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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