i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize