I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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