i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
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I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
how does that bad decision feel?
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