That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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