his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
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besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
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I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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