I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize