i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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