I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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