"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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