Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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