when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
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there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
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it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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