I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
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Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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