Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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