6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
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Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
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DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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