Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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