Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
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I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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