Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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