At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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