just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize