R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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