i may or may not be watching the land before time
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
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It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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