I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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