i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
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i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my night got REAL pukey
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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