Texts From Last Night

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  (208): View more from Idaho

  you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack

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  (208): you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack http://tfl.nu/46lg
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I wish life had little blips of pornography

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  (778): I wish life had little blips of pornography http://tfl.nu/kuwx
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar

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  (912): i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar http://tfl.nu/twn7
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  (209): View more from California

  I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.

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  (209): I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two. http://tfl.nu/goqt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.

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  (402): Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement. http://tfl.nu/h6nw
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking

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  (239): I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking http://tfl.nu/yxe4
  Replies (61) Good night (5673) Bad night (714)
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  (845): View more from New York

  the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did

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  (845): the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did http://tfl.nu/11j3
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.

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  (804): Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3. http://tfl.nu/mf94
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.

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  (850): I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school. http://tfl.nu/ocap
  Replies (7) Good night (1566) Bad night (539)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"

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  (+27): Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!" http://tfl.nu/eeqt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent

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  (651): Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent http://tfl.nu/399q
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  (818): View more from California

  He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.

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  (818): He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type. http://tfl.nu/n4gn
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.

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  (708): There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed. http://tfl.nu/mzmz
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."

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  (252): I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE." http://tfl.nu/xtai
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked

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  (734): Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked http://tfl.nu/0uzi
  Replies (5) Good night (903) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt

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