how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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